Elephant in the Room
COUNSELLING
Meet your Elephants
Do you feel locked in a life that doesn't offer much joy? Does it feel like being locked in a small, uncomfortable room with the presence of something large that pushes you into a corner with little choice?
You may be struggling to see what keeps you trapped. It has been there so long that it is difficult to see that it can be different. You may believe that it is perfectly normal…. Maybe you even believe that you deserve to exist like this.
That large, often scary thing that takes up so much room in your life is like a large elephant. It is invisible as it is behind a curtain of our fear, which prevents us from facing it. It is an uncomfortable feeling which prevents us from being ourselves.
Considering coming to therapy often means that you have become aware that some of your beliefs and constructs about yourself or your relationships are not serving you well.
They may limit your self-expression, potentially causing pain and struggle when an innate blockage prevents us from connecting to others or asking for help.
They may also stop you from expressing your full potential in your professional life. They may be preventing your creativity and reaching out to lead a fulfilling, meaningful life.
Acknowledging obstacles can be challenging; however, be authentic and brave and move forward.
“Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open?”
— Rumi
Powerful feelings affect our mood, confidence, and ability to express ourselves freely and say what we need and what we don't want. They stop us from being curious, experiencing, discovering, and learning new things. We know that there is so much we haven't seen or enjoyed. They stop us from challenging the norms.
Individual or couples therapy is often needed to see our 'normal', which keeps us stuck in the prison of old ways – with the door wide open.
Atia Tani
My role as a counsellor and psychotherapist is to help you identify the elephants that keep you in prison—with the door wide open. Together, we will release your elephants gently and safely. Then, you and your elephant will be free to discover that there is so much more in the world to enjoy and learn when we are authentic and feel safe with ourselves and others. Stepping out in the open means accepting that we can't change everything outside, however the change inside can change how we experience the world.
I employ an eclectic, holistic approach in choosing modalities to accommodate the uniqueness of each person, couple, or issue. Treatment may include person-centred, existential, and Focus-Oriented Therapy, polyvagal theory, somatic experiencing, the relational approach combined with art therapy, writing, mindfulness skills development, and the narrative approach promoting self-awareness, empowerment, creativity and personal responsibility.
You are not alone
We work together to build upon your self-awareness so we can identify specific triggers or stressors, such as work, relationship, and family pressures, that can lead to acute stress reactions such as anxiety and panic attacks, low mood, poor sleep habits, poor concentration, and irritability.
The source of these difficult states is inner and outer conflicts.
Over sixteen years, I have acquired interest and significant experience in the treatment of trauma, attachment issues, addictions, anxiety, depression, self-confidence and assertiveness issues, decision-making, life transitions, grief and loss, ongoing relationship conflict, infidelity, intimacy issues and more.
Our goal is to develop the capacity to be in the present moment, the capacity to feel our body and our feelings, and our capacity to connect to others.
MY COUNSELLING PROCESS
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OPENING
Releasing, expressing difficult feelings, describing situations and associated feelings and thoughts. Exploring different ways of relating to situations
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EXPLORATION
Validation of experiences, making sense – acknowledging current meaning. Learning intuitive embodied practices to experience feelings in different, safe ways. Increasing self-awareness.
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REFLECTION
Seeing differently, reflecting on the journey and the tools used in the process. Making new meanings, exploring next steps.
See your water and beyond
From a very young age, I have been fascinated by life. So much going on! People, animals, plants, and the landscapes all interact. Unstoppable and invisible changes. This little story explains a lot about how we see it all:
Two young fish swimming side by side. It's a lovely, sunny day.
An old, big fish suddenly appears: "Hi guys! Isn't this a lovely day! And the water is so nice and warm!" And disappears in the blue.
The young ones keep swimming…. After a while, one turns to the other: "What's water?"
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Coming to therapy is about a realisation that it's time to see the 'normal' we have developed as individuals, families, communities, and cultures, often over generations and millennia. The 'normal' makes us behave without questioning and usually awareness.
We often reach out from the discomfort of inner conflict, confusion, and being overwhelmed when our 'normal' becomes an obstacle. Therapy can assist with viewing our normal with clarity when we are ready to have a look. Sometimes, it involves a gentle process of little peeks from a safe distance; however, at times, insights appear unexpectedly when we allow our intuition to do its valuable work or when appropriate context offers a broader view.
Therapy can open the view of what can become possible - providing new views from different angles and accessing our information from various sources. Cognition is assisted by accessing our intuitive capabilities through our body and its neurology. Feelings that have been neglected, denied, or rejected need to be seen and gently acknowledged. Thoughts need to be seen so they can become our guides in making informed decisions, together with feelings. Awareness becomes a powerful tool to become response-able as opposed to being reactive.
The above concepts, tools, and later skills can become empowering ways to live an aware life and form healthy relationships with ourselves, others, and the world. We can become aware of what our water is by making it clear.